But I’ve learnt my lesson. I’m not hardcore. I’m softer than a marshmallow pillow, and proud of it. This horrid mode is far too cruel for someone like me. I quit my game and jump back into the soothing waters of creative mode, where I belong, to build a statue of myself that says I HAPPILY ADMIT DEFEAT in only the softest of wool blocks.
TOM’S RESULT: CONCEDED
DAYS SURVIVED: THREE.
PER – DAY THREE
No rest for the wicked… or for those lacking a bed because there’s no sheep in the vicinity! “Sleep aren’t that important anyway”, I think as I stumble on a sheep and nearly fall into the cave chasm from which I sourced all my iron. As I proceed with my grand plan to end the Pillager Outpost and claim my place as the one, true hardcore player, I decide to stay up late to find components to craft the weapon I need. Leaving the comfy cave for the pitch black fields outside, I start to hunt for spiders, which contain everything I need for my mission. If fermented and used with sugar, it’s quite the delicacy, but I’m more interested in its strings. It mainly consists of protein, but I need it to craft a deadly crossbow.
As a new day dawns, I suddenly feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if two voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. Something beneficial must have happened. I smirk and then begin to laugh hysterically as I set out towards the Pillager Outpost. I might be losing it because of severe insomnia, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’ll attack at dawn.
KELSEY – DAY FOUR
...Er, I died yesterday, remember? Leave me alone.
TOM – DAY FOUR
Guys, how do you play creative mode? I tried flying and now I can’t get back down :(
PER – DAY FOUR
I start my new day with severe back pain. How is this possible? I had at least five minutes of good night’s sleep on two comfy cobblestone blocks! Refusing to let this be my downfall, I eat the last couple of salmon I caught, then start going through my strategy. The plan is simple: run down the hill towards the outpost and scream like a madman while waving my weapons in all directions. I laugh triumphantly and pat myself on the shoulder. “Brilliant Per, simply brilliant. The Minecraft.net hardcore title is as good as mine!”
After spending several hours staring into a dirt wall mumbling incoherently about the importance of protein, the moment finally comes. I leave my hideout, then charge right down the hill. Oh, if only Tom and Kelsey could see me now!
Whether or not I’m hallucinating because of the six whole salmons I ate, I don’t know, but as I arrive at the outpost, I’m greeted by nine Pillagers with a grumpy “HRUMFPH”. It doesn’t matter. This is my moment to shine. The moment where I become the most hardcore player in Minecraft history. I smile, then let out one final battle cry.
“COME AT ME YOU NINCOMPOOPS! I’M REA…”
PER’S RESULT: BRUTALLY DEFEATED BY A RAIN OF ARROWS
DAYS SURVIVED: FOUR.
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