He lives at the bottom of the ocean, he's always got a smile on his face, and his best friend is called Patrick. What? No, it's not me. Why would you think that? I wouldn't be able to breathe. I'm obviously talking about Spongebob Squarepants, and thanks to Spongebob Biomes by Starfish Studios you can explore Bikini Bottom for yourself in this seriously impressive dynamic world that reimagines every single Minecraft biome and features fan-favorite characters and locations. Visit Krabby Patties! Annoy Squidward! And then go and clobber a creeper with your spatula! 

Now, I was pretty unnerved when I heard that one of the additions to Marketplace Pass this month would feature a terrifying doll. But I took a deep breath and said to myself, "so long as it doesn't take place anywhere frightening, I'm sure I'll be okay." So, here's Creepy Doll: Asylum by Pathway Studios, and it's the cause of the terror-sweat currently cascading from my scalp. As you search for a way out of the abandoned asylum, you'll hear whispering, glimpse unexplained phenomena, and experience horrifying jump scares. You can place cameras to monitor the eerie halls and creepy consultation rooms, or simply curl up in a ball and put your fingers in your ears until help arrives. That's my strategy, and it has a 100% success rate. 

The way a person acts in the face of adversity can tell you a lot about their character. Just yesterday, for instance, I stared disaster in the face when I dropped a canapé and had to wait five agonising minutes before a server came around with a fresh tray. Onlookers will tell you it was more like three minutes and that I bawled the whole evening, but they're lying. Become a Zombie by Lifeboat is similar, in that it requires you to maintain your composure even though you've been turned into a shambling undead monster. It's not all bad, though - you'll infect villagers and lead them into battle against their erstwhile neighbours as part of a story that takes you from biome to biome. Now, I know it's a lot to adjust to, but try to keep your cool. In my experience, someone will usually come around with another goat's cheese and pesto puff pastry parcel soon.  

ADD-ONS 

There's nothing like a swanky gadget to make you feel like an international secret agent. Even if the dry cleaner has started refusing to clean my tuxedo on account of the "sheer number of deep bolognese stains", a grappling hook is all it takes to make me feel like a superspy all over again. The creators of Gadgets & Trinkets Add-On by Pixelbiester understand this, offering more than 80 suave trinkets and 10 sophisticated gadgets that prove perfect for any globetrotting spy. Barkeep, I'll have one bolognese: shaken, not stirred.  

Picture the scene: I'm wearing my nicest cape, practicing a charming ditty on the organ, and sipping demurely at a glass of ruby-red port. And then some bozo barges in with a stake! It's outrageous behaviour, but now that I've played RPG CLASSES! Add-On by Chunklabs I've come to understand their confusion. After all, this supernatural add-on lets you play as a wailing banshee, a growling werewolf, or even a fearsome vampire, each with their own strengths and weaknesses. Just remember, I'm not actually a vampire - I'm just a boring, regular guy who happens to sleep in a coffin.  

They say that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, but I'm not convinced. My incredibly expensive office printer, for instance, might be able to print on both sides of a sheet of A4, but I've never wondered whether it might be the work of a powerful inkjet sorcerer. No, I prefer proper magic, like the kind shown off in Reliquary Magic Expansion Add-On by 5 Frame Studios. Here you'll discover a host of magical staves, charms, and blocks, as well as a spellbinding assortment of wizardly potions to quaff while you engage in appropriately magical activities. Activities like duplex printing.  

When I finally shuffle off this mortal coil (at the age of 110 at the bottom of a waterfall, if all goes according to plan), my tombstone will simply say: "sworn enemy of creepers". So imagine my astonishment when I found that More Creepers Add-On by Heropixel Games didn't make me want to dropkick my computer. In fact, by adding 30 new varieties of creeper, they've turned a familiar menace into something new, exciting, and unpredictable - an enemy that's as likely to unleash festive balloons or showers of emeralds as a build-ruining explosion.  

I'm a simple person. I enjoy buttery pastries, crimson sunsets, and the sight of a mob being launched - flung like a bug - to stratospheric heights by one of the contraptions in Jumppads & Particles v1.0.1 Add-On by Team VoidFeather. With a host of customization options to tinker with (including sounds, effects, and raw mob-and-player-launching power) you can be certain the jump pad of your dreams is waiting to be discovered. In much the same way that the shape of David was waiting for Michaelangelo in the block of marble. But better, because it ends with the sight of a skeleton soaring over the horizon like a bony frisbee.   

TEXTURE PACKS 

A big cozy blanket. A loyal, fluffy labrador. That weird, soft fur that grows on the skin of a delicious peach and somehow doesn't put you off eating it at all, even though it's basically hair and you'd never normally eat hair. Just three examples of the soft and fuzzy details that make life that little bit better. And now, thanks to Cushy Fuzz Texture Pack by Giggle Block Studios, you can add a dash of comforting fuzziness to your Minecraft worlds, too. The overall effect is 40% cute, 36% charming, and 24% oh no my keyboard is covered in sticky peach residue.  

It's not often that a texture pack awakens an entirely new desire in me, but here's one. You see, Dragonfire by Pathway Studios adds toughened scales, blazing embers, and fearsome draconic emblems to the textures you know and love, lending environments, buildings, and mobs an air of mythic mystique. And now, as I'm typing this, I can't help but think how much better my life would be if my laptop was covered in pliable, leathery scales like some kind of reptile-computer-hybrid. Just think of the possibilities. I would feed it ham through the CD drive.  

CHARACTER CREATOR ITEMS 

Their combustible way of saying hello may have scared the cozy little mittens off me more times than I can count, but creepers do have a certain panache about them that's hard to deny. Maybe it's that downturned mouth, those bottomless eyes, or that catwalk strut - but I think there's something very London Fashion Week about the creeper aesthetic.  

So I'm counting my lucky stars that this month's Character Creator items are all fabulously creeper themed, allowing me to rock the look without the explosive tendencies.

• Creeper Fire Gloves by 57Digital 
• Green Creeper Infernal by Yeggs 
• Creeper Crown by Block Perfect Studios 
• Creeper Snowboard by 57Digital 
• Ripped Creeper Jeans by 57Digital 
• Creeper Fire Sneakers by 57Digital 

So there it is, another round-up of what to expect from Marketplace Pass this month. Does the effort that I put into creating this list mean that I deserve to be included in a future Minecraft drop as a heroic and loveable new mob? Many commentators are already saying yes.  

If you want access to all these goodies, maybe it's time for you to sign up to Marketplace Pass. You'll gain access to a new assortment of mini games, add-ons, texture packs, and more every month. Or, if you're the social sort, you might want to check out Realms Plus, which includes all the benefits of Marketplace Pass as well as your very own private server for you and up to 10 friends to call home.