Meet the Guardian

I’ve always wanted to live under the sea! As far away from all other human life as possible (no offence, any humans reading this). Just imagine it! Under the sea I could dress like Lady Gaga and not look weird, never have to shower or do any washing up, enjoy all the mermaids I can eat, and I'll get my own WATER DOG (or ‘seals’ as nerdy marine biologist types insist on calling them). Plus, all sea life is super-friendly and totally not dangerous at all, according to a cool article I read in my favourite magazine, Naive Idiots Quarterly. Yay!

Minecraft has loads of friendly sea creatures too, like today’s mob, the Guardian. OK, true, these one-eyed spike-fests don’t look friendly - but I’m sure they’re nice as pie on the inside! Right, Jens? R-right?

Thorny fellows they may be, but that spiky exterior hides a deliciously tasty interior. When killed, the Guardian will have a 40% chance to drop a perfectly sliced piece of raw fish. However! If it’s on fire when it dies, it has a 40% chance of dropping a cooked fish. So make sure you set them on fire! Er, underwater.

Tbh, I’m all out of interesting Guardian facts. Oh, apart from the fact it shoots laser beams and can potentially live forever outside of water. It’s true! And those lasers can have one heck of a sting if you’re on the wrong side of them. As for its potential above-water immortality, there’s, er, a slight catch. Even if you manage to lure this beast from its watery lair, it will merely lay beached on land and squeak indefinitely, like a mouse on a dissapointing seaside holiday. Tragic.

Such a cruel fate should never befall such a so-fish-ticated creature, though, because they are the eternal guardians of the beautiful ocean monuments. They may be prickly beasts, but they’re just trying to keep the sea-crets of the monuments safe. Good work! Now I feel bad for cooking so many of them. Well, almost.