LET’S PLAY: THE ONE WHO WATCHES

But for a fair while, we wonder if we’ve forgotten to activate the add-on. Because, creepy text pictured above aside, it’s a lovely sunny day and nothing seems amiss at all. We take a pleasant walk through the flowers completely unheeded.

Could it be that this add-on is just a big practical joke, and this is actually going to be a wonderful experience? Could it be that we’re so cool and intimidating-looking that no monster dare confront us? Please don’t answer that last question. You’ll only hurt our delicate feelings.

Just when we’re considering lowering our guard forever, we stumble across a most unusual structure. It’s a house with walls made out of wool and banners, along with the far-more-traditional wood. Too intrigued to be cautious, we wander inside.

There’s a bed, crafting table, furnace, and chest – but whoever built or lived in this house before is long gone. Suspicious/score! Usually, we have to track down a village and boot a villager out to get our first Minecraft home. Instead, we help ourselves to this one. There’s even a book in the chest so we can enjoy some bedtime reading!

O… K… then… We’ll admit reading this book hasn’t helped us sleep at all. But that depends on how you interpret its ominous messages! ‘Everywhere I look I see HIS eyes’ could just mean that whoever they’re talking about has eyes that look like Minecraft blocks? Y-yeah! That m-m-must be it!

As for ‘I am so scared, that I am turning pale’, well, maybe the author had bad sunburn, and so this is actually a good thing? C-could be!

Oh, who are we kidding? We nervously toss the book aside and run out of this house screaming. Turns out we should have saved our pipes. Because after a few minutes of running away, we can’t help but notice a constant knocking noise. What’s causing it? Nothing? That would be nice…

Sadly, it wasn’t nothing. It was this:

Yes, we’re sorry about that leaf block in the way of the monster’s face, but you try taking a decent screenshot when your life is flashing before your eyes (wow, it was pretty boring – maybe we should have taken up more hobbies?)

The book had warned us that IT would toy with us, creating illusions and messing with our head before directly attacking us. Well, we must have met IT on an impatient day, because it destroyed us immediately, sending us back to our spawn point. Which we’d forgotten was the creepy house we found the diary in. Oh joy of joys.

Upon respawning, we immediately fled in the opposite direction from where we met IT. We’d almost be bold/stupid enough to say our luck is starting to turn, because we find a village! And nothing cheers us up after a scary encounter like stealing a bunch of bread and some leather boots. Haha! Good luck defeating us again, IT, now that we’re wearing boots that give us plus one armor!

The smart thing to do would probably be to stay in the village. This thought occurs to us about ten minutes after we’ve left the village and gotten lost. Sigh… 

Night has fallen, so now we have to deal with creepers, skeleton archers, and all of Minecraft’s classic hostile horrors, none of which seem to be scared off by our new +1 armor boots (ridiculous). 

To make matters worse, our speakers seem to be playing up. How else to explain the weird gargling sounds, or the rapidly approaching footsteps we keep hearing, only to turn around and see no one there?

Plus we are so so lost. That’s why we decide to ask this fellow for directions:

(We’d have gotten more pictures, but it’s hard to press the ‘take screenshot’ button when you’ve just dropped the controller and fled the room, the building, the country, the planet, and hopefully somehow the known universe).

We muster our final drop of courage to keep playing. We run screaming through the forest, ignoring the twang of archers firing arrows, the hiss of creepers trying to close in on us, and the various horrendous noises IT is making as it toys with its prey.

Finally, we see the sun come up. We have never been so happy to see it come up. Sunburn us all you like, buddy!

Safe at last! Because IT would never come out during daylight, right? R-right? No, YOU’RE basing that on nothing!

Well, for once, we might be onto something. Because IT seems to offer us a little respite during this day, at least. Maybe it was repulsed by our cowardice? If so, being repulsive for the win!

Much as we’d like to keep subjecting ourselves to this nightmare for your entertainment, we think it’d be better for our own mental wellbeing if we simply took some shots from the game’s Minecraft Marketplace page so you get why we’re being so cowardly. Seriously, just look at IT: