Mojang Studios release new astonishing update
Saving Minecraft – one block at a time!
That, dear reader, is Latin – the language of excessively edgy proverbs and true commitments, like a cringy tattoo inked during mid-teen emo years. Use it lightly and you’ll end up with terms like “Nincompoop” instead of “Cool dude” on your back. And to answer your question: yes, I am working on removing that tattoo, but it takes a while when all you have is soap and water!
The meaning of the above word is simple: “simplicity”. Since time immemorial, Mojang Studios have strived for simplistic perfection in our games, making simple updates with simple ideas to preserve the essence of Minecraft.
However, recent player feedback has revealed that we have strayed from the path and lost sight of our values. We’re becoming, urgh, complex, and that needs to change! Effective immediately, we’re canceling all currently planned updates in favor of a much more basic one: the One Block at a Time Update.
Putting our blockiest minds on this monumental task, we have worked day and night to bring you the most profoundly simple update we have ever delivered – one with minimalistic features that take all the confusing complexity out of Minecraft. And who could explain the intricate details of this new and bold venture than our very own Chief Creative Officer, Jens “Jeb” Bergensten?
"Hi, you’ve reached the voicemail of Jens Bergensten. I can’t take your call right now, but leave a message after the beep – unless it's Per, Tom, Owen, Kevin, Jasper, or Bartosz. Then don't."Jeb
Well said, Jeb!
Jens is not the only one we chased across the office hallways day and night for an exclusive quote. We were also successful in cornering Nir Vaknin, Minecraft developer and head of Aprilis Asinus, the team leading the One Block at a Time initiative, codenamed Project A Simple Ton of Blocks.
“Players love to complain give us valuable feedback, said Nir while trying to slip past our reporter. And an exhausting incredible example of that is the many comments we got about inventory management and how it can be a pain to use. The answer was Simple™ – get rid of it!”
Brilliant!!! Instead of adding new features to the game, Nir and team believe that Minecraft’s future will be about implementing smart reverse-engineering techniques, focusing more on removing features instead of coming up with new ones.
“Minecraft has become too fast, too furious. Kids these days never take the time to smell the creepers anymore or appreciate things ONE BLOCK AT A TIME!”
Fixed all inventory issues by removing the inventory
Made the whole world into a player inventory space
Up to 14 quintillion inventory slots
Also removed experience and enchanting, while we’re at it
Fixed MC-4 by having no items on the ground
Dropper drops. Droppier drops?
Improved chest excitement factor >:)
Added the ability to throw stuff. YEET!
Glass is 50% more realistic when thrown
Added wrestling moves as an alternative to leashes
Reworked combat because it’s haaaard to create a more immersive gameplay experience
Sneaky block? What sneaky block?
GET THE SNAPSHOT
Snapshots are available for Minecraft: Java Edition. To install the snapshot, open up the Minecraft Launcher and enable snapshots in the "Installations" tab.
Snapshots can corrupt your world, so please backup and/or run them in a different folder from your main worlds.
Cross-platform server jar:
Didn’t we at some point say “no more snapshots”?
Technically, this isn’t really a snapshot, but a regressshot. We’re not adding anything – we’re removing things!
That's not true? You’re adding plenty of things according to the Features list!
Whoever wrote that list sounds like a nincompoop.
Why do you think this is the right step for Minecraft?
Why do you think you’re good at asking questions?
But we want our players to have fun, right?
Er, weeeell... maaaaaybe?
Listen... who is this snapshot really for?
LALALALA can’t hear you!
Enjoy the update, everyone! <3
- Per Landin